Former Khmer Rouge prison chief Douche Bagg today shocked the UN-funded war crimes tribunal by demanding to be released on the final day of his trial for crimes against humanity, shoplifting and double parking in a restricted zone.
The UN’s Chief Prosecutor, Mr. Fuk Yew Tu, told reporters that Douche’s demand had left him “shocked.”
Douche, whose real name is Sum Dum Fuk, admitted being responsible for ordering the deaths of 150,000 people who refused to acknowledge that Pol Pot’s Insta-Noodles were the best in Cambodia – but cited the tried and tested (unsuccessful) Nazi Nuremberg defence that he was simply following orders.
General Douche commanded a prison from where mega-zillions of moderate intellectuals – and anyone with an IQ that ranked in treble figures - were killed in a series of fields now known – aptly enough – as the "Killing Fields".
His demand for clemency has cast doubt over the sincerity of his earlier demands of forgiveness from the victims' families – or else – with him telling kinfolk that he knew where they all lived.
Douche Bagg, a former Phnom Penh tomcat strangler, said he had co-operated fully with the Tribunal and had been detained since 1999 – during which time he had seen the light, renounced manky Maoism as his creed and become a born-again Christian (even though brought up a Buddhist) – recently converting to the Cheeses Crust Church of Latter Day Pizzas.
Douche’s lawyer, Mr. Shao Mai Sam, confirmed he was asking to be acquitted on the grounds that he was never a senior member of the Khmer Rouge hierarchy and was simply doing his job of snuffing smart-arsed academics and university intellectuals who were far too clever for their own good.
More than 150,000 inmates are thought to have passed through the gates of Douche Bagg’s prison which was known as Uncle Pol’s Happy Camp 21.
The vast majority were tortured with loudspeaker broadcasts of the Communist Manifesto, the Thoughts of Chairman Mao and U2 albums, then coerced into confessing to imaginary crimes against the regime and forced to strangle themselves.
Several zillion Cambodians died from starvation, overwork or boredom under Potty Pol’s brutal Khmer Rouge regime in the 1970’s when they abolished religion, schools and currency in a bid to create an agrarian utopia which turned the country into a total Third World basket case where the smartest guy that could be rounded up after the genocidal purges of the intelligencia was an Angkor-based wheelbarrow mechanic with the IQ of two score and ten.
General Douche Bagg is the first of five leading Khmer Rouge figures to face the UN-backed tribunal.
The joint trial of four other - more senior - Khmer Rouge leaders of the Maoist regime that ruled Cambodia from 1975-1979 is expected to start sometime in 2015.
Douche announced at the end of his closing statement to the court : "I am an old man who simply did his job and I now have a bad back like Quasimodo’s from all the hard labour and am deserving of sympathy - thus I am demanding the Tribunal to now release me so I can appear in the celebrity spots on Strictly Come Dancing and the X Factor - thank you very much."
Obviously Douche’s attempt to elicit sympathy fell on barren ground with the Tribunal Prosecutor advising him that ‘sympathy’ was in the dictionary – located somewhere between ‘shit’ and ‘syphilis’.
Sunday, 6 December 2009
Saturday, 5 December 2009
Sippin’ Whiskey – Okay - but Sippin’ Beer?
A controversial Scottish brewery has launched what it described as the world's strongest beer - with a 32% alcohol content.
Tactical Nuclear Penguin – with a radioactive half-life of several centuries - has been unveiled by SpewDog of Twatborough.
SpewDog was previously branded irresponsible by the AA and the Pissheads Gazette for an 18.2% beer labelled Tokyo Doze, which it then followed with a 0% low alcohol beer called Nanny State as a polite way of giving government regulators the big finger – and which incidentally became a great hit in Muslim countries and with Methodists - plus the teetotal Jesus Christ Church of Latter Day Morons.
Spewdog’s managing director Ghengis McScrunt informed the media the limited edition of 1,000 jeroboams supply of Tactical Nuclear Penguin would be sold for £30 each.
"This beer is about pushin’ the boundaries of the human metabolism - and takin’ innovation in beer to a whole new level. Really, this shit will bring the varnish off furniture – one of our best laxatives yet."
McScrunt added that a beer such as Tactical Nuclear Penguin should be drunk in "spirit sized measures – preferably from a thimble shot glass – or 20cc simply injected straight into any major artery for the ‘buzz of a lifetime" – and ‘a hangover to die for – or of'.
A disclaimer and warning on the label states: "This is an extremely strong beer; it should be relished in small measures and with an air of aristocratic nonchalance - in precisely the same manner that you’d enjoy a Jacuzzi with Carla Bruni following a couple of joints and a handful of Vi-shagra pills - or watching your bank manager and local MP getting burned at the stake."
However Jacko MacScally, of Alcohol Focus Scotland, described it as a "cynical marketing ploy", telling Fux News "We want to know why a brewer would produce a beer as strong as malt whisky – unless for purposes of terrorism."
"Fer Christ’s sake, beer’s not supposed to be inflammable or explode if yer spill it. Plus if yer don’t drink the whole damn bottle in a single sittin’ then it’ll go as flat as a witch’s tit.”
Regardless of criticism and opposition SpewDog's plans for a new headquarters and brewing facility to produce zillions of bottles of beer annually have been approved by Scumshire Council following the submission of petitions from the Glasgow chapter of the Noble Guild of Caber Tossers, and the influential St. Kilda-based ‘See You Jimmy’ Society.
The controversial brewery advised the Pisspots Review it already has plans to produce limited editions of a 45% proof Blood of Shergar brown ale, a 50% version of its successful 28% Numbskull lager, a 65% Christmas edition of Ye Olde Headbanger barley wine, and single shot bottles of their vaunted 90% Bitch Thumper strong stout.
Stop press / drop the dead donkey: Scottish brewery reported to have reached critical mass and exploded in a 20 megaton nuclear fireball - devastating the greater Twatborough area and causing almost thirty quid's worth of damage.
Tactical Nuclear Penguin – with a radioactive half-life of several centuries - has been unveiled by SpewDog of Twatborough.
SpewDog was previously branded irresponsible by the AA and the Pissheads Gazette for an 18.2% beer labelled Tokyo Doze, which it then followed with a 0% low alcohol beer called Nanny State as a polite way of giving government regulators the big finger – and which incidentally became a great hit in Muslim countries and with Methodists - plus the teetotal Jesus Christ Church of Latter Day Morons.
Spewdog’s managing director Ghengis McScrunt informed the media the limited edition of 1,000 jeroboams supply of Tactical Nuclear Penguin would be sold for £30 each.
"This beer is about pushin’ the boundaries of the human metabolism - and takin’ innovation in beer to a whole new level. Really, this shit will bring the varnish off furniture – one of our best laxatives yet."
McScrunt added that a beer such as Tactical Nuclear Penguin should be drunk in "spirit sized measures – preferably from a thimble shot glass – or 20cc simply injected straight into any major artery for the ‘buzz of a lifetime" – and ‘a hangover to die for – or of'.
A disclaimer and warning on the label states: "This is an extremely strong beer; it should be relished in small measures and with an air of aristocratic nonchalance - in precisely the same manner that you’d enjoy a Jacuzzi with Carla Bruni following a couple of joints and a handful of Vi-shagra pills - or watching your bank manager and local MP getting burned at the stake."
However Jacko MacScally, of Alcohol Focus Scotland, described it as a "cynical marketing ploy", telling Fux News "We want to know why a brewer would produce a beer as strong as malt whisky – unless for purposes of terrorism."
"Fer Christ’s sake, beer’s not supposed to be inflammable or explode if yer spill it. Plus if yer don’t drink the whole damn bottle in a single sittin’ then it’ll go as flat as a witch’s tit.”
Regardless of criticism and opposition SpewDog's plans for a new headquarters and brewing facility to produce zillions of bottles of beer annually have been approved by Scumshire Council following the submission of petitions from the Glasgow chapter of the Noble Guild of Caber Tossers, and the influential St. Kilda-based ‘See You Jimmy’ Society.
The controversial brewery advised the Pisspots Review it already has plans to produce limited editions of a 45% proof Blood of Shergar brown ale, a 50% version of its successful 28% Numbskull lager, a 65% Christmas edition of Ye Olde Headbanger barley wine, and single shot bottles of their vaunted 90% Bitch Thumper strong stout.
Stop press / drop the dead donkey: Scottish brewery reported to have reached critical mass and exploded in a 20 megaton nuclear fireball - devastating the greater Twatborough area and causing almost thirty quid's worth of damage.
PM Brown Goes Ga-Ga on Tweeter
Sarah Brown's Tweeter followers were baffled earlier this week when the Prime Monster's long-suffering wife "twatted" a random set of letters that even caused cryptologists at the UK’s super secret Bletchley Park 'el-int' spy centre to scratch their heads in puzzled amazement and exclaim “WTF!?”
Fellow twatters suggested her bungling hubby Gordon might have got loose on the keyboard and mistaken it for the piano in his old Glaswegian hang-out – the Scallies Arms – and banged out the chorus to ‘Auld Lang Syne’ as a prelude to losing the forthcoming general election.
However it was deduced that one – or both of - their idiot savant sons – or their minimum wage Albanian pikey au pair - had got loose on the keyboard with her duster as, an hour later, Mrs Brown explained that numb-nutted junior ‘twatt’ interference was more than likely to blame.
Mrs Brown's "twitting, twatting and tweeting" posts on campaigning issues, Gordon’s haemorrhoids, life after Downing Street and visits to her local gynaecologist have all proved extremely popular, with zillions of followers based at the very ends of the Earth – from Anchorage to Ascension Island, Croydon to Kathmandu– and Paraguay to Potter’s Bar - the traditional backwater hideaways for the world’s 'most wanted' war criminals.
On Tuesday afternoon viewers were greeted by the message : Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious – which, to the majority of people who never enjoyed a childhood, would appear as gobbledegook and not the magic word from PL Travers’ Mary Poppit books.
‘Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch’ was the next brief text burst that alerted Special Branch to a possible attack on the government’s seat of power by subversive Welsh nationalist radicals - or the fact the Broon's tomcat Haggis had been tap-dancing on the keyboard.
However Downing Street informed the media that hackers were not suspected of being to blame and the culprit was quite possibly one of the Browns' two sons - Jimmy or Angus, aged sixteen and eighteen respectively - although a spokesman declined to say which of the two educationally-subnormal mutants was responsible – or if it was a joint / team effort on their parts.
Conversely rumours flashed by one Whitehall security detail snitch has thrown suspicion on the chronically paranoid Prime Monster himself who has apparently been acting quite strangely recently and reported to have suffered a series of weird psychotic episodes, telling aides he was applying for a Welsh passport and going to become a hermit on Snowdonia before Business Secretary Peter Scandalson had him murdered in the Tower of London.
Fellow twatters suggested her bungling hubby Gordon might have got loose on the keyboard and mistaken it for the piano in his old Glaswegian hang-out – the Scallies Arms – and banged out the chorus to ‘Auld Lang Syne’ as a prelude to losing the forthcoming general election.
However it was deduced that one – or both of - their idiot savant sons – or their minimum wage Albanian pikey au pair - had got loose on the keyboard with her duster as, an hour later, Mrs Brown explained that numb-nutted junior ‘twatt’ interference was more than likely to blame.
Mrs Brown's "twitting, twatting and tweeting" posts on campaigning issues, Gordon’s haemorrhoids, life after Downing Street and visits to her local gynaecologist have all proved extremely popular, with zillions of followers based at the very ends of the Earth – from Anchorage to Ascension Island, Croydon to Kathmandu– and Paraguay to Potter’s Bar - the traditional backwater hideaways for the world’s 'most wanted' war criminals.
On Tuesday afternoon viewers were greeted by the message : Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious – which, to the majority of people who never enjoyed a childhood, would appear as gobbledegook and not the magic word from PL Travers’ Mary Poppit books.
‘Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch’ was the next brief text burst that alerted Special Branch to a possible attack on the government’s seat of power by subversive Welsh nationalist radicals - or the fact the Broon's tomcat Haggis had been tap-dancing on the keyboard.
However Downing Street informed the media that hackers were not suspected of being to blame and the culprit was quite possibly one of the Browns' two sons - Jimmy or Angus, aged sixteen and eighteen respectively - although a spokesman declined to say which of the two educationally-subnormal mutants was responsible – or if it was a joint / team effort on their parts.
Conversely rumours flashed by one Whitehall security detail snitch has thrown suspicion on the chronically paranoid Prime Monster himself who has apparently been acting quite strangely recently and reported to have suffered a series of weird psychotic episodes, telling aides he was applying for a Welsh passport and going to become a hermit on Snowdonia before Business Secretary Peter Scandalson had him murdered in the Tower of London.
Friday, 4 December 2009
Freegans Celebrate ‘Year One’ of Self-Sufficiency
The first annual general meeting of the self-styled Freegan’s Society was held this weekend amid the sprawling sand dunes at Scroungeford-on-Sea, culminating in a four-course banquet prepared from waste food that the local garbage tip’s rats and seagulls had disdained from touching.
Freegans Candida Muffitch and Wilf McScrunt celebrated their first year of living without cash and strictly off the government radar by staging a festival to highlight and publicise the novel alternative lifestyle of Freeconomics.
This is an austere discipline that traces its roots back to the hunter-gatherer traditions of our cave-dwelling ancestors - with the slight modification of the actual ’hunt and gather tasks’ now being carried out on landfill sites and from chew n spew restaurant garbage bins rather than in the vast dark forests of prehistoric Britain chasing down mammoths or razor-backed aardvarks – and poaching giant Killiwacky bird eggs.
The couple, who forage for all their food, clothing and discarded supermarket vouchers, told the media they’d experienced "an amazing year" of eye-opening enlightenment that bordered on true Nirvana – apart from the incidences of chronic diarrhoea, scurvy, galloping psoriasis, chilblains – and that other ubiquitous physical affliction common to the global warming phenomena – frostbite.
The banquet of warmed-up pigswill fed a total of 250 attendees – with the centrepiece a road kill ‘game pie’ (for anyone ‘game’ enough to try it) known among Freegans as a ‘Grogger’ - which the gourmet cuisine columnist from the Mendicants Gazette described as tasting like ‘shit with a crust on’.
McScrunt informed Fux News "This ‘as bin the best year of me life an’ while it does ‘ave certain challenges I don’t get stressed out over council tax bills an’ bank overdrafts or payin’ an effin’ mortgage ter some Shylock rip-off buildin’ society. Plus I never get stuck in traffic jams goin’ back an’ to ter an office or factory an’ workin’ every effin’ hour God sends in some poxy job that does me effin’ ‘ead in."
“Okay, I’ll admit yer get certain setbacks - like bein’ pissed wet through every time it rains and shiverin’ me bollocks off through the winter, but I made Freeconomists me new religion cos Al Bore is the next best thing ter God an’ it’s my way of doin’ me bit ter save the planet from CO2 poisonin’ and pollution – an’ all that other good shit.”
McScrunt, a Glaswegian-born former wheelbarrow mechanic, and partner Candida, live in a commercial-size wheelie bin, kitted out with double glazing and a rudimentary central heating system – plus a bay window that provides a spectacular south-westerly panoramic view of the Scroungeford-on-Sea coastline.
Candida, who gave up a promising career as a Chelsea-based dog walker to pursue the Freegan lifestyle, claims her conversion has been ‘spiritually enlightening’ in certain respects and a ‘shock and awe’ wake-up call in others.
“Good grief, if anyone ever tells my mother I’m living like this she’d shit kittens and die of embarrassment in case anyone at the Townswomen’s Guild found out.”
“I doubt Mumsy would approve of her daughter’s new culinary skills – walking along the local bypass every morning looking for fresh road kill, and knowing twenty recipes for cooking a dead hedgehog.”
Freegans Candida Muffitch and Wilf McScrunt celebrated their first year of living without cash and strictly off the government radar by staging a festival to highlight and publicise the novel alternative lifestyle of Freeconomics.
This is an austere discipline that traces its roots back to the hunter-gatherer traditions of our cave-dwelling ancestors - with the slight modification of the actual ’hunt and gather tasks’ now being carried out on landfill sites and from chew n spew restaurant garbage bins rather than in the vast dark forests of prehistoric Britain chasing down mammoths or razor-backed aardvarks – and poaching giant Killiwacky bird eggs.
The couple, who forage for all their food, clothing and discarded supermarket vouchers, told the media they’d experienced "an amazing year" of eye-opening enlightenment that bordered on true Nirvana – apart from the incidences of chronic diarrhoea, scurvy, galloping psoriasis, chilblains – and that other ubiquitous physical affliction common to the global warming phenomena – frostbite.
The banquet of warmed-up pigswill fed a total of 250 attendees – with the centrepiece a road kill ‘game pie’ (for anyone ‘game’ enough to try it) known among Freegans as a ‘Grogger’ - which the gourmet cuisine columnist from the Mendicants Gazette described as tasting like ‘shit with a crust on’.
McScrunt informed Fux News "This ‘as bin the best year of me life an’ while it does ‘ave certain challenges I don’t get stressed out over council tax bills an’ bank overdrafts or payin’ an effin’ mortgage ter some Shylock rip-off buildin’ society. Plus I never get stuck in traffic jams goin’ back an’ to ter an office or factory an’ workin’ every effin’ hour God sends in some poxy job that does me effin’ ‘ead in."
“Okay, I’ll admit yer get certain setbacks - like bein’ pissed wet through every time it rains and shiverin’ me bollocks off through the winter, but I made Freeconomists me new religion cos Al Bore is the next best thing ter God an’ it’s my way of doin’ me bit ter save the planet from CO2 poisonin’ and pollution – an’ all that other good shit.”
McScrunt, a Glaswegian-born former wheelbarrow mechanic, and partner Candida, live in a commercial-size wheelie bin, kitted out with double glazing and a rudimentary central heating system – plus a bay window that provides a spectacular south-westerly panoramic view of the Scroungeford-on-Sea coastline.
Candida, who gave up a promising career as a Chelsea-based dog walker to pursue the Freegan lifestyle, claims her conversion has been ‘spiritually enlightening’ in certain respects and a ‘shock and awe’ wake-up call in others.
“Good grief, if anyone ever tells my mother I’m living like this she’d shit kittens and die of embarrassment in case anyone at the Townswomen’s Guild found out.”
“I doubt Mumsy would approve of her daughter’s new culinary skills – walking along the local bypass every morning looking for fresh road kill, and knowing twenty recipes for cooking a dead hedgehog.”
The Twelve Days of Christmas
On the Twelfth Day of Christmas my true love sent to me:
Twelve court subpoenas,
Eleven texts saying ‘ph*ck you’,
Ten bailiffs with repossession orders,
Nine blokes to cut the gas off,
Eight maids with paternity claims,
Seven photos of her toy boys,
Six bills from her jewellers,
Five more from a wine store,
Four bricks chucked thru me windows,
Three used French letters - knotted,
Two demands for alimony,
And her f*ckin’ big credit card bill !
Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic : a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.
Twelve court subpoenas,
Eleven texts saying ‘ph*ck you’,
Ten bailiffs with repossession orders,
Nine blokes to cut the gas off,
Eight maids with paternity claims,
Seven photos of her toy boys,
Six bills from her jewellers,
Five more from a wine store,
Four bricks chucked thru me windows,
Three used French letters - knotted,
Two demands for alimony,
And her f*ckin’ big credit card bill !
Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic : a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.
Thursday, 3 December 2009
Taliban Recruit 30,000 Jihadists to Meet US Surge
President Obama today announced that in line with the Rothshite Zionist-dictated edict that the United States is not allowed a Middle East or foreign policy separate from - or in conflict with - Israel's, he will be dispatching an additional 30,000 troops to Afghanistan to reinforce the ones those nasty Taliban keep snuffing.
"Me and Rahm have decided that it is in the vital financial interest of our oil and gas corporations and our military-industrial complex - and too our heroin dealers - to send an additional 30,000 US troops to Afghanistan.”
“This recession thing the Fed’ caused is great – unemployed guys are starving and ready to sign up as cannon fodder for just three squares a day.”
“Hellfire, the next 30,000 are already lining up as I speak. God bless America.”
President Obama had the difficult challenge of not only selling this little bit of treason to his own nation – (the US - not Kenya) - he also needed to send the right messages to the government of Afghanistan, to the Taliban and al-Qaeda, to Pizza Hut and Wal-Mart, to the Israeli lobby running the Senate and Congress, to his allies in NATO - and to the world at large – all of which - collectively – seem to have taken no bloody notice whatsoever.
General Ghengis McTwat, senior analyst for the ultra-secret Military Catastrophes department at the Royal Institute of Advanced Guessology, assessed what difference this will make on the ground.
“Absolutely none in regard to achieving victory – but conversely the extra troops will provide a further 30,000 targets for the Taliban to shoot at – regardless of the US army providing more bullets to fire at the insurgents – and even new rifles to put the bullets in.”
“Hopefully they supply 30,000 of their new insulated leak-proof body bags too.”
Obama announced the planned increase of 30,000 troops will begin early in 2010 – as soon as the New Year festive season hang-overs wear off – unless the cannon fodder recruits wake up to their ‘lost causes’ predicament and desert en mass.
This number is somewhat less than the 400,000 demanded by General Billy Bob McChrystal, commander of both NATO and US forces. However, he expects other nations to increase troop levels - if they can find anyone stupid enough to sign up.
A recent Internet anti-recruitment blitz, implemented by the radical Islamic Jolly Jihadi’s website, broadcast the most damaging information to likely US and Western military recruits – that ‘the definition of a volunteer was some dork who had totally misunderstood the question put to them’.
McChrystal also faces the problem of some nations' plans to withdraw forces – with the French cheese-eating surrender monkeys threatening to bring their entire contingent of 20 troops home for the Christmas holidays.
It is worth reflecting at this point on the sad fact that the US contribution - which is intended to exceed 100,000 (for now) - will be no larger than the Evil Empire’s Soviet presence at the height of its occupation of Afghanistan – which resulted in an utter and highly embarrassing failure – much like the preceding Vietnam debacle when the US military got its sad ass well chewed then chased out by a bunch of Third World ‘gook’ guerrillas.
McChrystal and the US Ambassador to Kabul have declared there must also be a surge in the civilian contribution, and the Afghan military and police security forces be expanded to provide some front line cannon fodder while NATO are busy protecting President Hamid Kami-Karzi’s corrupt and inept government – and this year’s burgeoning poppy crops.
Conversely the quality of Afghan security forces is every bit as important as quantity - and as many US military strategists have pointed out – how do you turn a bunch of goat-bonking rag-arsed shepherds into an efficient fighting force when they don’t know one end of a rifle from the other and keep tripping over their own beards?
One further bone of contention – in this graveyard of ‘bones’ and ‘contentions’ – is how will the 30,000 new US troops be made up?
Pres’ Obama has not yet addressed nor clarified this aspect but it is understood that they will include latrine diggers, PX store counter assistants - and a fully-trained contingent from the US Army’s elite 25th Agricultural Science Regiment – to look after the poppy crops and opium production.
From a military viewpoint, there are three problems with Pres’ Obama's intended strategy.
The first is whether the force levels are enough to turn the tide against the Taliban and win Gen Billy Bob’s McChrystal's predicted "short fight" by July 2035.
Other options might be a more incremental approach, with the accompanying challenge of herding the Taliban insurgents into a tactical predicament of isolation - away from the opium-producing regions – then nuking them.
Right now Obama is sticking with his announcement that withdrawal of US forces will begin by 2035, assuming the transition and transfer of responsibility to Afghan forces has been successful
However this very issue of a stated date for drawdown could play into the hands of al-Qaeda and the Taliban, allowing them to bide their time before returning to the offensive as they did following the Soviet ‘cut and run’ withdrawal – where they took over the entire country and publicly butchered President Mohammad Najibullah for his past sins.
In conclusion, there is the matter of President Kami-Karzai's commitment to change – to sort out the nepotism, corruption and criminality that are the current foundation stones of his kleptocracy of a government - and to expand and improve Afghan security forces from the cowardly rabble of career criminals they now represent to at least the quality and efficiency of Girl Guides – and shed off his evolved culture of dependency on the US and international support.
Hence, while reflecting on the proven historical fact that nobody ever wins a guerrilla war – apart from the guerrillas - at the end of the day it all comes down to who’s going to get ‘Shocked and Awed’ first – the Taliban Dan Gang (and the non-existent al Qaeda) – or the US and NATO?
As Taliban Dan personally informed the Al Jezeera news agency last night “So, they will send 30,000 more wet recruits – while our Pan-Islam Jolly Jihadi brothers are right now recruiting 30,000 more Mujahideen to fight in our cause.”
"First we shall kick out the Western infidel running dog invaders from the Zionist Great Satan who are stealing our opium to finance their dirty false flag Neo-Imperialist wars - and then we will deal with their weiner-sucking lackey Hamid Kami-Karzai and his band of traitors.”
"Me and Rahm have decided that it is in the vital financial interest of our oil and gas corporations and our military-industrial complex - and too our heroin dealers - to send an additional 30,000 US troops to Afghanistan.”
“This recession thing the Fed’ caused is great – unemployed guys are starving and ready to sign up as cannon fodder for just three squares a day.”
“Hellfire, the next 30,000 are already lining up as I speak. God bless America.”
President Obama had the difficult challenge of not only selling this little bit of treason to his own nation – (the US - not Kenya) - he also needed to send the right messages to the government of Afghanistan, to the Taliban and al-Qaeda, to Pizza Hut and Wal-Mart, to the Israeli lobby running the Senate and Congress, to his allies in NATO - and to the world at large – all of which - collectively – seem to have taken no bloody notice whatsoever.
General Ghengis McTwat, senior analyst for the ultra-secret Military Catastrophes department at the Royal Institute of Advanced Guessology, assessed what difference this will make on the ground.
“Absolutely none in regard to achieving victory – but conversely the extra troops will provide a further 30,000 targets for the Taliban to shoot at – regardless of the US army providing more bullets to fire at the insurgents – and even new rifles to put the bullets in.”
“Hopefully they supply 30,000 of their new insulated leak-proof body bags too.”
Obama announced the planned increase of 30,000 troops will begin early in 2010 – as soon as the New Year festive season hang-overs wear off – unless the cannon fodder recruits wake up to their ‘lost causes’ predicament and desert en mass.
This number is somewhat less than the 400,000 demanded by General Billy Bob McChrystal, commander of both NATO and US forces. However, he expects other nations to increase troop levels - if they can find anyone stupid enough to sign up.
A recent Internet anti-recruitment blitz, implemented by the radical Islamic Jolly Jihadi’s website, broadcast the most damaging information to likely US and Western military recruits – that ‘the definition of a volunteer was some dork who had totally misunderstood the question put to them’.
McChrystal also faces the problem of some nations' plans to withdraw forces – with the French cheese-eating surrender monkeys threatening to bring their entire contingent of 20 troops home for the Christmas holidays.
It is worth reflecting at this point on the sad fact that the US contribution - which is intended to exceed 100,000 (for now) - will be no larger than the Evil Empire’s Soviet presence at the height of its occupation of Afghanistan – which resulted in an utter and highly embarrassing failure – much like the preceding Vietnam debacle when the US military got its sad ass well chewed then chased out by a bunch of Third World ‘gook’ guerrillas.
McChrystal and the US Ambassador to Kabul have declared there must also be a surge in the civilian contribution, and the Afghan military and police security forces be expanded to provide some front line cannon fodder while NATO are busy protecting President Hamid Kami-Karzi’s corrupt and inept government – and this year’s burgeoning poppy crops.
Conversely the quality of Afghan security forces is every bit as important as quantity - and as many US military strategists have pointed out – how do you turn a bunch of goat-bonking rag-arsed shepherds into an efficient fighting force when they don’t know one end of a rifle from the other and keep tripping over their own beards?
One further bone of contention – in this graveyard of ‘bones’ and ‘contentions’ – is how will the 30,000 new US troops be made up?
Pres’ Obama has not yet addressed nor clarified this aspect but it is understood that they will include latrine diggers, PX store counter assistants - and a fully-trained contingent from the US Army’s elite 25th Agricultural Science Regiment – to look after the poppy crops and opium production.
From a military viewpoint, there are three problems with Pres’ Obama's intended strategy.
The first is whether the force levels are enough to turn the tide against the Taliban and win Gen Billy Bob’s McChrystal's predicted "short fight" by July 2035.
Other options might be a more incremental approach, with the accompanying challenge of herding the Taliban insurgents into a tactical predicament of isolation - away from the opium-producing regions – then nuking them.
Right now Obama is sticking with his announcement that withdrawal of US forces will begin by 2035, assuming the transition and transfer of responsibility to Afghan forces has been successful
However this very issue of a stated date for drawdown could play into the hands of al-Qaeda and the Taliban, allowing them to bide their time before returning to the offensive as they did following the Soviet ‘cut and run’ withdrawal – where they took over the entire country and publicly butchered President Mohammad Najibullah for his past sins.
In conclusion, there is the matter of President Kami-Karzai's commitment to change – to sort out the nepotism, corruption and criminality that are the current foundation stones of his kleptocracy of a government - and to expand and improve Afghan security forces from the cowardly rabble of career criminals they now represent to at least the quality and efficiency of Girl Guides – and shed off his evolved culture of dependency on the US and international support.
Hence, while reflecting on the proven historical fact that nobody ever wins a guerrilla war – apart from the guerrillas - at the end of the day it all comes down to who’s going to get ‘Shocked and Awed’ first – the Taliban Dan Gang (and the non-existent al Qaeda) – or the US and NATO?
As Taliban Dan personally informed the Al Jezeera news agency last night “So, they will send 30,000 more wet recruits – while our Pan-Islam Jolly Jihadi brothers are right now recruiting 30,000 more Mujahideen to fight in our cause.”
"First we shall kick out the Western infidel running dog invaders from the Zionist Great Satan who are stealing our opium to finance their dirty false flag Neo-Imperialist wars - and then we will deal with their weiner-sucking lackey Hamid Kami-Karzai and his band of traitors.”
WTF? Granny Obama Does the Hajj
During the 2008 Presidential campaign, there were rumours Barack Hussein Obama was a Muslim. (Now why would anyone suspect that?)
Obviously Obama scoffed at these malicious rumours, employing his usual practiced airs of arrogant political rhetoric and oral legerdemain, and claimed he was a born-again Teleprompter Christian – much the same way the brass-necked impostor laughed off and ignored the persisting rumours he isn’t even an A-merican but a Kenyan national with a counterfeit Hawaiian birth certificate.
The sun-tanned Pres’ candidate declared he had been a regular worshipper at downtown Chicago’s Jesus Christ Church of Latter Day Charlatans, whose ministry had been led by his good friend and spiritual mentor - the radical schizophrenic Mullah - the Rev. Lefty Wright - for 20 years.
Regardless there was a strong attempt by both the Republicans - and too Hilary Rodent Clinton’s campaign camp of total losers - to perpetuate and inflate the ‘Obama’s a Muslim’ story and thus lose him the election race before it even got off the sprint blocks.
Conversely, during this time period, zany Zionist media mogul muppet Rupert Mudrock ordered his International Herald Shitraker to run a series of features supporting Obama's claim to be a Christian and identifying his Paternal Grandmother as a Christian cheer leader for the Nairobi First Eleven soccer team.
Granny Sarah told reporters from the tabloid gutter press that her husband - Obama's Grand-Daddy - had converted to Islam from Roman Catholicism as he was fed up of kiddie-fiddling priests trying to slip him a length while he was in the church choir - and taken the name Hussein.
However Granny maintained his children had inherited only the name and not the religion as the boys didn’t want the ends cutting off their cocks – or the girls getting their pussy’s mutilated - or either lot be forced to bang their foreheads on the deck umpteen times a day while saying prayers.
Thus spake Sarah - the devout Christian - during the election campaign: “Each person should be able to choose how they worship” - and that - the Gospel according to Granny Obama – has got to be a historical first for Islam.
Obviously her kids were raised in that most unique of households – the family of Democratic Freethinking Muslim Patriarch - allowing the children to pursue the religion of their own choice. Baptist, Flat Earther, Buddhist, Pagan, Animist, Taoist, Shinto - or even a Pancake Tuesday Adventist.
Bravo’s all round too, and thank Christ (whoops) – Allah – that the manky Mutaween religious police didn’t hear about such a breach of their Stone Age Sharia laws and come around calling with the big stick.
Now the gutter press headlines declare “Obama's 'Christian' Granny has arrived in Saudi Arabia for the 'Hajj.'
Yep, you gottit - the 'Hajj' – one of the sacred Five Pillars of Islam - that holy pilgrimage to Mecca all Muslims are required to make once in their lifetime.
The Hypocrite’s Gazette, along with the Apostates Weekly Review, are having a veritable field day, declaring that the self-vaunted 87-year old ‘Christian’ Grandmother of US President Barack Hussein Obama is a ‘heathen infidel’ and had arrived in Saudi Arabia to perform the 'Hajj' to the holy cities of Mecca and Medina - accompanied by her die-hard beardie nephew Mustafa Obama and Barack’s first cousins Fatima and Mohammed.
But lets be fair - Obama’s a stooge and only watching his own arse and obeying his Master’s voice.
He’s not programmed to start thinking for himself – and the good of the American people - or anything stupid like upholding the Constitution and the Bill of Rights or dismantling the Fed’ – oh no.
If that became the case then we’d probably have another Dealey Plaza and a Lee Harvey Patsy and the Grassy Knoll Gang on our hands again.
Obama was ushered into office to simply serve the requirements and endorse the edicts of the elitist microcosm of the world whom use far more than they need to live at a higher standard than those they have been deceiving and stealing from since time immemorial – Us.
Like Mulder n Scully always say – “The Truth is out there” – it’s just that the Government and shadowy powers that be – the microcosm - don’t want you to hear it.
Obviously Obama scoffed at these malicious rumours, employing his usual practiced airs of arrogant political rhetoric and oral legerdemain, and claimed he was a born-again Teleprompter Christian – much the same way the brass-necked impostor laughed off and ignored the persisting rumours he isn’t even an A-merican but a Kenyan national with a counterfeit Hawaiian birth certificate.
The sun-tanned Pres’ candidate declared he had been a regular worshipper at downtown Chicago’s Jesus Christ Church of Latter Day Charlatans, whose ministry had been led by his good friend and spiritual mentor - the radical schizophrenic Mullah - the Rev. Lefty Wright - for 20 years.
Regardless there was a strong attempt by both the Republicans - and too Hilary Rodent Clinton’s campaign camp of total losers - to perpetuate and inflate the ‘Obama’s a Muslim’ story and thus lose him the election race before it even got off the sprint blocks.
Conversely, during this time period, zany Zionist media mogul muppet Rupert Mudrock ordered his International Herald Shitraker to run a series of features supporting Obama's claim to be a Christian and identifying his Paternal Grandmother as a Christian cheer leader for the Nairobi First Eleven soccer team.
Granny Sarah told reporters from the tabloid gutter press that her husband - Obama's Grand-Daddy - had converted to Islam from Roman Catholicism as he was fed up of kiddie-fiddling priests trying to slip him a length while he was in the church choir - and taken the name Hussein.
However Granny maintained his children had inherited only the name and not the religion as the boys didn’t want the ends cutting off their cocks – or the girls getting their pussy’s mutilated - or either lot be forced to bang their foreheads on the deck umpteen times a day while saying prayers.
Thus spake Sarah - the devout Christian - during the election campaign: “Each person should be able to choose how they worship” - and that - the Gospel according to Granny Obama – has got to be a historical first for Islam.
Obviously her kids were raised in that most unique of households – the family of Democratic Freethinking Muslim Patriarch - allowing the children to pursue the religion of their own choice. Baptist, Flat Earther, Buddhist, Pagan, Animist, Taoist, Shinto - or even a Pancake Tuesday Adventist.
Bravo’s all round too, and thank Christ (whoops) – Allah – that the manky Mutaween religious police didn’t hear about such a breach of their Stone Age Sharia laws and come around calling with the big stick.
Now the gutter press headlines declare “Obama's 'Christian' Granny has arrived in Saudi Arabia for the 'Hajj.'
Yep, you gottit - the 'Hajj' – one of the sacred Five Pillars of Islam - that holy pilgrimage to Mecca all Muslims are required to make once in their lifetime.
The Hypocrite’s Gazette, along with the Apostates Weekly Review, are having a veritable field day, declaring that the self-vaunted 87-year old ‘Christian’ Grandmother of US President Barack Hussein Obama is a ‘heathen infidel’ and had arrived in Saudi Arabia to perform the 'Hajj' to the holy cities of Mecca and Medina - accompanied by her die-hard beardie nephew Mustafa Obama and Barack’s first cousins Fatima and Mohammed.
But lets be fair - Obama’s a stooge and only watching his own arse and obeying his Master’s voice.
He’s not programmed to start thinking for himself – and the good of the American people - or anything stupid like upholding the Constitution and the Bill of Rights or dismantling the Fed’ – oh no.
If that became the case then we’d probably have another Dealey Plaza and a Lee Harvey Patsy and the Grassy Knoll Gang on our hands again.
Obama was ushered into office to simply serve the requirements and endorse the edicts of the elitist microcosm of the world whom use far more than they need to live at a higher standard than those they have been deceiving and stealing from since time immemorial – Us.
Like Mulder n Scully always say – “The Truth is out there” – it’s just that the Government and shadowy powers that be – the microcosm - don’t want you to hear it.
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